You find out that your boyfriend has been lying about being in contact with his ex.
They have been texting each other and he has been hiding it from you.
So what do you do about it?
Today I’m going to share with you guys my experience with this and if I knew then what I know now.
My boyfriend is texting his ex and lying | Relationship Advice
4 Reasons why would your boyfriend be texting his ex?
He still cares about her.
He obviously still cares. There’s no reason a guy would entertain someone he doesn’t care about whether he cares emotionally or physically.
He wants to see what she’s doing.
He still wants to be in her business. He wants to know what she has going on and whether she’s doing good or bad.
He likes the attention considering they aren’t together.
Maybe he just likes that she is paying him attention considering they are exes now.
He wants to see if he still has a chance.
Some guys just want to see if they can rekindle something with their ex so they maintain contact so that they can potentially go back to them.
My experiences with dating someone who lied about texting their ex..
So I’ve been in this situation twice before.
Once when I was around 18 and another time when I was around 23.
In both situations, I made it clear how I felt about boyfriends being in contact with exes especially if I knew the history where the breakups were either not mutual or didn’t exactly make sense (relationships where feelings could definitely still be rekindled).
They said they weren’t talking to any exes and said they felt the same way.
In both situations, I found out the ex-girlfriend and my boyfriend (at those times) were still in contact with each other.
The messages involved consisrent communication whether it was daily or weekly.
I assumed that the ex popped up within some sort of time during which I was involved with them.
Sometimes that happens where exes will reach out because they feel like your boyfriend won’t return to them or some of them may just be manipulative where they want to make sure that they have some sort of control over the ex still.
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I want to say in both situations the exes either expressed that they were still talking to each other or a friend/relative revealed this information to me.
In these situations I asked them about it. One told the truth while the other denied until I showed proof.
I expressed how I wanted them to stop communicating with them especially since I also became aware that flirtation was involved.
I told them something along the lines of,
“If you keep talking to them whether you call or text, I’m gone. We’re breaking up and I am serious.”
There was no reason to check in on them.
There was no reason to give updates on life or discuss hobbies.
They were exes for a reason and were in whole relationships with other people.
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To my knowledge the texting stopped, but it wasn’t for long.
I figure they thought,
“How would she know?”
That is considering I never revealed my sources from the first time I found out about the communication.
Eventually I did find out that the texting had resumed, but unfortunately in both situations… both boyfriends had ended up cheating on me.
The ex in my teens was remorseful and told me himself out of guilt immediately after it happened.
The ex in my early 20s however, I found out the information through a post I saw on IG stories. (He forgot we had mutual friends and one of my friends shared this post with me).
That ex literally tried to spin the situation saying, “Why did you look for something? Why were you on their page? You shouldn’t be talking about our business outside of our relationship.”
Like they were legit on some “It’s your fault for finding out” type of stuff which was wild to me.
Anyway… in both situations a breakup happened and I never turned back.
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What you should do if you find out your boyfriend is texting his ex?
Honestly, I’d breakup with them.
Based on my past situations alone.. I have lived and learned.
They lied about being in contact with their ex. That was the first straw.
They shouldn’t be lying in a relationship.
The second.. is actually being in contact with this ex when they shouldn’t even be a factor in their lives.
There is no reason to be in contact with an ex.
If they want to go back, they can but I won’t be there.
They lied about talking to an ex.
They technically put the ex before the relationship because they chose to interact even though they said they weren’t speaking to them.
Why are you entertaining an ex when you have a whole girlfriend?
Why are you seeing what’s going on with them when you are broken up?
There’s no reason to be in contact with them if you’re trying to start a long term relationship and a life with a new person.
Would they be okay with you lying and still communicating with your exes the same way they did with theirs?
Most guys would have an issue with their girlfriend talking to an ex especially if it was flirtatiously.
They’d definitely find it disrespectful and there shouldn’t be any double standards in a relationship.
An ex is an example of what you don’t want.. so why go back and keep in contact where you’re flirting or checking in on them while you’re in a relationship?
It seems very inappropriate to me, but that’s just my 2 cents.
So what are your thoughts about boyfriends lying about being in contact with exes?
What would you do in these situations or have you been in these situations?
Let me know by leaving a comment down below.