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Over the course of dating and relationships, I have dated 2 people that were insecure.
They had insecurities that were built on trust issues that they had developed from previous relationships and it caused a heavy strain throughout the entirety of the relationship.
Today I’m going to talk about how it is emotionally draining to date someone that is insecure and brings emotional baggage from previous relationships.
Having an insecure partner drains relationship – My Experience | Relationship Advice
The lack of trust with no freaking logic
So when it comes to first getting involved with someone, it starts off great. It’s amazing and it’s all happiness, but then overtime as people call it.. the honeymoon phase wears off.
Now I’m going to be honest, I feel like the honeymoon phase won’t wear off when you’re with the right person. It’ll be consistent for the most part, but in these situations it wore off within about a month give or take.. 2 months.
I remember in both of the situations where I was in a relationship with someone who was insecure and I’m just going to say… honestly they didn’t trust me and it was stressful.
Within these situations eventually I realized they didn’t trust practically anyone. I thought it was a me problem, but no it was an EVERYONE problem.. it wasn’t just me.
I recall being accused of talking to a friend of theirs I’d never met. Them claiming I had another phone and was sending pictures of myself to other guys.
Keep in mind, I was barely able to pay the phone I had at the time and I was young.. like in high school.
Them constantly hitting me up like, “I know you’re messing with someone else” or “What have you been doing today?” and somehow it led into me being out here in the streets entertaining guys.
It was just a lot of irrational thought with absolutely no concept of where these ideas came from since I pretty much kept to myself for the most part.
I’m not going to lie, it’d be one thing if I had been out here… In other dude’s DMs and on their social media flirting..
If I had been going out and trying to pursue other guys or letting them pursue me..
If I had legit had guys in my phone flirting with me, but I didn’t.. I stayed at home and took care of my baby brother while helping out around the house while my mom was working/in college.
I didn’t have time to entertain more than one person, especially since I was in school/college both times.
The comparing to previous dating experiences
They told me that other women had did those things previously to them, but they pretty much generalized that all women were the same to some degree or at least that I was similar.
I’m one of those people where I understand not trusting people, but I also don’t understand trying to date and not trusting because…
There is like a billion people on this planet and you don’t think any of them will meet your low standard of not cheating?
Like I’ve been cheated on so many times, but I never thought…
“Oh everyone will cheat. I don’t trust anyone.”
If I really felt that way, I’d just be single because it’d be no point in trying to date someone if I’m going to mentally and emotionally abuse not only myself but also them.
It’s just too much and if you really have trust issues.. why even try to date? Let people know in the beginning because I feel like that’s a red flag to stay away from someone.
I’m not about to try to prove to you I’d be a good fit for you if you don’t trust me off the bat.
That sounds like a lot of playing games to me.
I don’t believe trust is earned.
You meet someone and you start off on a base line… if they do something untrustworthy, then you know you can’t trust them. It is what it is.
If you know someone is shady then boom.. you don’t trust them. Don’t give them any of your time or energy. Don’t even entertain them because it doesn’t make sense to go into dating someone not trusting them.
There is absolutely no point of even being with them or wasting time with them if that’s the case.
Your Other Relationships
So I didn’t have many friendships at the time these situations occurred so it didn’t really affect my other relationships, but I have seen other people get into relationships with insecure people where their partner pretty much wanted them to cut off their friends.
It did cause a lot of ending of relationships from ending friendships with people of the opposite sex or ghosting those friends to not wanting them to hang around friends as well as family members who were single.
It was truly unfortunate and sad.
Trying to End things with someone who is insecure and irrational
Eventually after months of accusations, I was just tired… Having to deal with someone accusing you of cheating on a weekly basis is completely ridiculous, toxic, and it isn’t healthy for either of you.
I remember attempting to break up with the person a couple of times and them pretty much begging me to not end things with them, but it was just like…
“Bro.. if you’re so miserable with me, if you think I’m cheating on you.. why are we even together? Why do you still want to be with me?”
And they’re pretty much crying and like saying they know I wouldn’t do those things and that they didn’t know why they accused me without any type of rational reasoning.
My dumb ass ended up staying with them and nothing ever changed. It was just constantly me trying to prove myself (not even knowing how to prove myself since I didn’t do anything in the first place).
It was just a waste of so much time, effort, and just a lot of energy. It also just wasn’t good for my mental, emotional, or physical health because I stayed with a headache dealing with those issues to be honest.
In the other situation I was in where I dated someone who was kind of insecure…
I recall being really into this guy and he consistently had to share with me that he felt insecure and uneasy about being in a relationship.
It was actually kind of sad because he was a good guy, but he did have legitimate trust issues and didn’t know how to deal with them.
It was tiring. It was emotionally draining for both of us and he actually took it upon himself to end things with me because he felt like I should be with someone who didn’t have his issues.
Looking back I truly appreciate that he did that for me. I was really hurt about it, but it showed that he not only did care for me.. but he also cared for himself because it was just constant negativity.
You can’t prove to someone you’re worth trusting in my opinion. Either they trust you or they don’t and he let me go.
Book to Read – Healthy Relationships: Overcome Anxiety, Couple Conflicts, Insecurity and Depression without therapy. Stop Jealousy and Negative Thinking. Learn how to have a Happy Relationship with anyone.
My advice if you have an insecure partner or if you’re in an insecure relationship..
So this is for the people who are in a relationship with someone who consistently accuses them of talking to other people or cheating..
I would honestly say it’d be best to let the relationship go and that the person should get some sort of counseling or therapy.
I feel like unless you actually did something to trigger their insecurity.. where you caused them to feel insecure legitimately… then it’s something that can be discussed, but if there is no logical reasoning as to why the person feels like they can’t trust you.. It’d just be best to end it.
Being a drain relationship does nothing for either of you. It doesn’t benefit you. It just makes life worse.
When you get into a relationship… the purpose of a relationship is to bring more added joy to each other’s lives.
You’re supposed to be each other’s safe space and you’re supposed to make each other feel good.
It shouldn’t be a constant battle or struggle concerning something simple as it’s just 2 people involved with each other.
If there is constant trust issues, that’s something they need to deal with on their own through therapy.
Now if you actually did trigger their insecurity, you could go to couples therapy to talk it out.
I recommend BetterHelp for both types of therapy. So that things can be talked out, understood, and potentially resolved if that’s the choice a person wants to make.
Overall, that’s my two cents on having an insecure partner draining a relationship.
Have you guys ever been in a similar situation?
Let me know in the comments down below.