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So you’ve been dating this guy for a decent amount of time. Everything was great, but you kind of have your concerns and doubts as to whether he is being honest with you about things. You keep hearing in the back of your mind, “I want to go through my boyfriend’s phone.” You see him on social media and scrolling through his messages. You are contemplating whether he is talking to someone else and cheating or whether you even trust him, but should you go through his phone?
I’ve been there and today I figured I would share my 2 cents on whether you should go through your boyfriends phone.
Just as a disclaimer, I’m giving my own advice from my own past experience. You don’t have to do what I recommend, but you can consider it when making your own decisions about your relationship if you like.
Should I Go through my boyfriends phone? | Dating Advice
In short… No, but there are other things that you can do.
I’m just going to be straight to the point and not even waste your time. I feel like whenever I felt the need to go through someone’s phone.. I honestly didn’t trust in them or even our relationship. No matter how much I cared or wanted to be with someone, if I didn’t trust them… I’d honestly end up worrying myself over what they were doing which made me miserable and was a waste of energy as well as time.
Sometimes I kept hearing myself thinking, “I want to see my boyfriend’s text messages…” but did I really need to see them? Most likely not because deep down I truly new if the guy I was dating was messing with someone else or not.
Now I will say that there is a huge difference between feeling concerned about if someone is doing something because it’s an actual gut feeling vs it being an insecure thought.
If you feel the urge to go through their phone, evaluate if it’s because of your gut or your mind playing tricks on you.
The actual gut feeling you legit will feel it in your gut. With an insecure thought, it is more mental than anything. You could be feeling insecure because of past experiences with other men whether that be guys you’ve liked, dated, or even your own experiences with your father. You could also be insecure because of “friends” making comments or them going through their own experiences of infidelity. Honestly, I would recommend going to therapy to sort it all out. It’d definitely be helpful especially if you don’t know how to process things or you’re trying to figure out why you have trust issues.
I will say if you are constantly worried about your boyfriend flirting with other girls or dating someone else… If it is a persistent thought even after you’ve had conversations with them about it, then it’d be healthier for you to let the relationship go. I know from first hand experience that if you don’t trust the one you’re with… you most likely won’t be able to trust them in the future especially if there are certain things you’ve seen them do that you feel is inappropriate. You’ll also feel unhappy and there is no point in being unhappy while you’re in a relationship. A relationship is supposed to add onto your life and not make your life worse.
If you feel the need to go through your boyfriend’s phone, the trust is not there. Talk to them about it. If after you talk about it.. you still feel the need to go through their phone, you don’t trust them. With any relationship, you must be able to trust the one you’re connected to. You both should be able to have privacy while trusting each other. If you feel the need to violate that privacy, then you may have to let the relationship go.
Now I will say if you haven’t spoken to them about your feelings of worry or feeling doubt, then you should. Share with them how you feel whether you think they’re flirting with other women or dating them.. just be honest. Come to them in a calm manner and lay it all out how you feel. If they get defensive, I would see that as a red flag. If someone is really focused on you and the relationship you two are building then the first thing they’ll do is reassure you or ask you why you feel the way that you do. They won’t get instantly defensive if they aren’t doing anything they shouldn’t be doing. People who get defensive have something to hide or they just simply feel guilty.
So should you go through your boyfriends phone?
No. Figure out why you feel the need to go through their phone in the first place? Is it because they actually do things that make you concerned? Have other people said they did things? Are these people trustworthy or reliable? Orrrrr are you making yourself feel worried because you have issues within yourself that is causing this perception that you can’t trust them and feel the need to go through their phone?
Really think about whether this lack of trust is coming from. Evaluate it and decide on the next course of action. There should be no reason that you should feel the need to go through someone’s phone. There also shouldn’t be any reason as to why you can’t trust the person you’re involved with. Share your thoughts with them and if you still feel concern, figure out if it’s them creating trust issues or you. If it’s them, let the relationship go. If it’s you, you can either let the relationship go or go to therapy to figure out why you are feelings and thinking the way that you do.
Overall remember that trust and communication are both number 1 in a relationship. You need them both to help a relationship grow and thrive. Never forget that.