Being cheated on definitely takes a toll on your ability to trust. You begin to wonder if the person will do it again. Sometimes you even bring that baggage into new relationships where you wonder if the new person you’re dating will cheat on you. Today I figured I would share with you guys my experience of how I was cheated on and how I was able to trust again.
How to trust again after being cheated on – My experience of being cheated on | Dating and Relationships
I’ve been cheated on a multiple of times by different men as well as by the same men (when I gave them a second chance.. sometimes even three chances). Being cheated on always left me feeling hurt and looking back I was disappointed more than anything. I think for me I was stunned that the person cheated on me, but I didn’t want to react in the way a lot of movies and tv shows portray being cheated on. I didn’t want revenge or anything. I was just moreso upset because every person that cheated on me… at that time we had a bond. Every guy I have ever dated wasn’t just someone I was dating.. They were also my friend too. I believe that you should be friends with who you’re with along with all of the significant other relationship stuff. For me being cheated on meant they didn’t think about our bond at all. They didn’t think about our relationship within being involved with each other, but also within being actual friends with each other. After being cheated on, I would stand there thinking like,
“How could you do this? We’re not only involved, but we’re supposed to be friends with each other. We’re supposed to care about each other and we’re supposed to care about us… but you didn’t even think about what we have.”
For some reason I am a trusting person. Even after being cheated on, I would trust the person again right after while also telling them,
“If you do it again, we’re done. I mean it.”
I believe all of them that I gave a second chance to did end up cheating on me once again. It is what it is. However when it came to trusting my thought process was…
Everyone makes mistakes. Some people learn, but many don’t.
People cheat for different reasons and no reason is good enough to be honest, but not every reason will be the same I learned.
Some guys cheated because they wanted sex. (This was when I was in high school).
Some cheated because they simply weren’t ready for a real relationship.
Then there are also people out there who will cheat on you once and be faithful afterwards. Usually this type of person will actually realize their mistake and reflect on why they even did it in the first place.
Now when it comes to trusting them again after you’ve been cheated on… You kind of have to look at it like… I have faith in you and I have faith in us. You have to want it enough and be willing to completely forgive them while also being realistic about the journey beyond what just occurred.
Now I also learned that not every guy is going to be a cheater.
Everyone is different. Not everyone will hurt you or is intent on hurting you. There will be people who truly care about you. Don’t build up your defenses too high because you feel like the next person will do the same.
I went from dating a guy who was a narcisist and cheated on me with multiple different women. The way he treated me was horrible. He was selfish and manipulative. He didn’t care about my feelings at all except what he could get from me. There were so many signs that I shouldn’t have been with him. Eventually I realized that I needed to let the situation go because I was unhappy and I knew I didn’t want to spend my life being upset every week. Some months passed and I ended up dating someone who actually did care about how I felt. He was considerate, kind, and I actually had fun with him. 3 years later, we’re still together.
You kind of just have to have hope and faith that there is someone out there for you. Someone that you can trust and someone that you can be your ultimate self with without any worry or stress of infidelity.
Now I know a lot of people end up developing the unfortunate concept of “trust issues” which I have mixed feelings about.
I always hear people say they have trust issues and I always wonder how they can have trust issues if they can still have sex? I say this because many people who I have heard say this.. still do involve themselves in sexual relations (which doesn’t make sense because you could contract an STD from someone or potentially get someone pregnant).
You really have to think about whether you have trust issues with others or do you have trust issues with yourself?
Do you trust your own judgement about who you date?
Do you pay attention to the signs and red flags or do you ignore them because you want a relationship?
I feel like a lot of us end up overlooking the signs. I know I did in practically every situation in which I was cheated on. I had red flags all in my face and I looked passed them like I couldn’t see at all. You have to be open to realizing when something isn’t right instead of being focused on the concept of being with someone. You also have to really evaluate people. When I got older I started to take time out to evaluate the person I was dating and I started becoming more aware of red flags or if I was just happy in general or not. You have to start being more open to seeing the way someone interacts with you.. whether they are being kind and loving or whether they are being stand offish or secretive.
You have to think about the way you are being treated overall.
Don’t get me wrong some people can do a hell of a job lying about who they are, but eventually it all comes out and you have to pay attention to the signs regardless of how much you like them or how much you want to be in a relationship.
You do have to think about yourself and put your needs first.
So I would say I trusted again once I realized people make mistakes, but not everyone makes the same ones.
Everyone is unique. You can not generalize and say that “All men are trash” or “All women are trash” because it’s not true. There are some pretty amazing and decent people out there.
You may feel afraid, but it’s okay to be afraid and to be cautious. Pay attention to the red flags when you see them.
If there aren’t any red flags, that’s great! Keep dating the person and hopefully everything will work out.
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I hope that you guys enjoyed my thoughts and experience on how to trust someone again after cheating
I hope that this will help you out if you’ve been through something similar or if you’re going through it right now.