Breaking up is hard. I am just going to write this honestly and realistically from my own personal experience. Break ups suck. They are horrible. They make you feel confused, upset, and sometimes even bitter about future relationships or even if you’ll want another relationship. I know whenever I went through a bad break up, I felt like I would never be happy again. However, that wasn’t true. If you’re going through a break up right now, I want you to know that all of the emotions that you are feeling are temporary. You just have to get through the initial process of the emotions that you are experiencing right now. So today I wanted to share with you guys my tips on how to get over a breakup.
How to Get Over a Breakup
Firstly, you are going to mourn the ending of the relationship.
It’s okay if you feel like crying. Getting over a breakup is difficult. Get all of your emotions out by shedding some tears if that’s what you feel like doing. I tended to listen to sad break up songs because they related to how I felt and gave me more encouragement to express my sadness instead of keeping it bottled up. Release the negative emotions that you are feeling right now.
Understand your emotions and allow yourself to feel what you feel. Write your thoughts out about the person and the things that made you feel unhappy or confused.
Talk to someone you trust about what happened. It’s good to express your emotions to a family member, friend, or even a therapist. Discuss your thoughts and your feelings.
I would even suggest that you eat something that makes you feel better. I know for me whenever I experienced a break up… sometimes I would want to eat my feelings (eat while I was being emotional) while other times I had an extreme loss of appetite. I would encourage you to eat something that makes you feel better whether you have a favorite ice cream that cheers you up or you want to eat something from your favorite fast food place. Eat a meal/snack of what you love in moderation.
Do not contact them or reach out to them.
This can be another difficult thing, but do not message them or blow up their phone to speak with them once everything is said and done. Once the relationship has broken up, leave it be. It’s hard, but you should leave it alone instead of trying to fight for them when they made it clear it was over. If anything, this could potentially make things worse and make you feel worse. Remember, you’re supposed to focus on getting over the breakup and not returning to something that is broken.
Reflect realistically on the breakup.
It is important to evaluate what actually happened in the relationship that led to this point. There could be a variety of things that led to this break up or even one specific thing. I know sometimes I would have answers as to what happened throughout the relationship while other times I didn’t have any actual idea as to why someone ended things. I would suggest to assess the interactions that you had over the course of the relationship. Assess the potential issues that you had… Their flaws as well as your own flaws. Realize your strengths as well. What things did you present to the relationship? Were there a lot of arguments? How did you encourage them and uplift them? Did they do the same for you? Really examine things from a perspective of “Why did this break up happen? Were there legitimate reasons? And if there weren’t any and they didn’t give you a logical reason, were they ready for a relationship with you?” Assess their side of the situation as well as your own.
Special circumstances: Sometimes people will end things without giving you a reason as to why things ended and I personally feel like if someone does not give you any reason as to why they wanted to end things… then that just means that you two were not focused on the same path of a relationship. It sucks, but at the very least you will not waste anymore time on building a relationship that had two different focuses.
Accept that it is over.
This part can be extremely difficult. A lot of times we will want to cling onto the idea that they could come back and things could workout. We may also cling to the focus of all of the good things instead of assessing things from a realistic perspective. However, I will be honest with you and say to not back track. The breakup happened for a reason. Don’t believe in false hope. If it happens, it happens…but do not hope/wait for someone to return to you. I have learned that if someone wants to be with you, they will be and they will stay. In a variety of break ups, I have had guys say things along the lines of “If you love something you have to let it go and then if it comes back.. it’s meant to be…” or some crap like that. In every situation in which a guy said something along those lines of “Maybe we can get back together in the future..” it simply meant that we both needed to grow for ourselves on our own. (It is also meant that they were most likely going to date other women).
This leads me to my next point…
If someone is making the choice to end things with you, let them go. It is easier said than done, but let them go because they are choosing to let you go. If there were things you felt uneasy about or unhappy about throughout the relationship, let them go. You should be with someone who wants to be with you. You should be with someone who is putting in similar effort as you to make things work and someone that is not choosing to leave. Don’t get me wrong, if you have flaws that you need to work on.. then truly work on them and grow for yourself. Prepare yourself to be better for your future and whoever you end up being with romantically. However, if it is a situation where you were doing your hardest where you were giving the person love, loyalty, kindness, effort, time, understanding, and promotion of growth yet they chose to let you go… then let them go. They might not have been ready for a relationship.
Remove all traces of them.
Delete photos you took of them. Delete text messages that you guys sent each other. Remove them on social media. Do not continue to check their Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, or any other form of social media. Cut off access to them. I know in the past I would sometimes keep the person on social media and this was a bad choice. When things ended with a person, social media makes things so freaking difficult. You two aren’t together and you feel that urge to know what that person is doing as well as if they are feeling sad about the break up. It is complete torture to monitor someone else’s social media after a break up. Don’t become a social media stalker. It just makes you feel worse and it isn’t healthy.
If they say they want to stay friends, don’t! Or at least not right now. If you’re going through this break up, it will be extremely difficult for you to get over someone while trying to be their friend. To be honest, I do not like the idea of being friends with an ex. I have tried being friends with exes in the past and it was never a good idea. However, your situation could be different. I would just say that if you want to be friends with an ex, wait maybe 6 months after the break up to be friends. It’ll give you sometime to yourself to get over the relationship.
Get rid of the stuff they gave you.
Throw away all of it or have someone else give their stuff back to them. Do not hold onto their things. Removing those items from your life will help you to let go of them. Hanging onto this stuff will potentially just keep you hanging onto them and it’ll make it harder to let them go.
Do things that make you feel good.
When going through a breakup, you definitely should focus on things that take your mind off the breakup itself. Here are a few things you can do.
Most people will invest in gym memberships and focus on exercising. Working out is a great method for getting over a break up because it helps you think, but it can also help clear your mind as well. It can assist with encouraging physical health as well as mental health. Overall, if your body feels good… you will feel much better too.
People tend to feel the most creative when they experience strong emotions. I would suggest painting (whether with a brush or finger painting), clay molding, drawing, and writing poetry. It will assist you with expressing your emotions and you’ll most likely feel good about the creation you made.
One of the things that always helped me was watching something new or watching something funny. Watch a show you have been meaning to watch or watch something that will make you laugh.
Play a game.
If you’re into video games, play a game. Some games are very interesting and they will help you to focus on your mind on something else.
Listen to happy music.
Listening to feel good music would always put me in a good mood and motivate me to feel better about a situation. It would make me feel more positive and happier about life overall.
Do things with your friends and family.
Call up your peeps and do something enjoyable with them. Or even just call them to talk about your ex. Sometimes venting can help a lot.
Do activities and go to events.
When you are ready to leave the house, I would suggest that you go out. Check out a festival in your area. Go out with some friends to a restaurant you’ve never tried before. Sing at a karaoke bar. Go to a concert. Go skating. Go bowling. Do something fun. Throw yourself into the moment and truly enjoy yourself!
Focus on growing for yourself and your next relationship.
Overall, I would say that you should work on becoming a better you. Think about the things you lacked during this relationship. Understand how to communicate your emotions more effectively by being open and honest with people. Become more understanding and considerate of people. Focus on what you want to do with your life that would make you really happy. Develop methods to help you to better manage stress in life. Learn more about yourself and try new things. Also learn to evaluate what you do want and what you don’t want. If someone treated you wrong and did things you didn’t like during this relationship, you know what to look out for and avoid with a potential person in the future who may not have your best interest at heart.
Just overall make yourself healthy… mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Become a healthier person for you and for your next relationship because there will be another.
This leads me to my last point…
Still believe in love.
Believe that you will have love. I know it can be hard to think about that right now and you might not even want to think about it, but during this journey of developing yourself and learning more about yourself as you move forward… Just know that you will meet a lot of people. You never know what the Universe has in store for you. Don’t be closed off from the possibilities.
You won’t have to look for love.. Love will find you.
So overall, I hope this was helpful. I know it all seems overwhelming and difficult to deal with right now, but things will get better. Trust me. Time heals all and a year from now… this break up won’t even matter.
I shall speak it into the Universe for you.
You will get through this.
You will be happy.
You will grow and your life will be better.
So those were my tips on how to get over a breakup. I hope they were helpful for you guys. Stay strong.
If you guys have any tips on how to get over a breakup, leave them in the comment section down below.