I am going to be very transparent. I honestly don’t think I go a day without worrying about money. Living pay check to pay check sucks. I am sure that a lot of you understand my struggle and can agree with me on it. I just feel financially stressed and I want to take this time to vent about it.
When it comes to paying a bill, I obsess over paying my bills on time because in the past I would hate having my bank account go into the negatives and me being hit with like a $50 fee which of course, I can’t afford. It sucks when you try to plan your money a certain way and things don’t happen the way that they should. It’s even worse because I am a freelancer. I get paid sporadically and I absolutely hate it. Sometimes I get paid once a month based on the platform I used the most and sometimes I get a variety of payments from various places. A few bucks here and there, but nothing ever consistent or at least not yet. I honestly don’t think I’ve gotten the hang of being a freelancer yet where I can get a ton of clients for different things like social media marketing and writing articles. I admire anyone who can get new and consistent clients that pay a decent rate where you can afford to do what you love while also live somewhat comfortably.
I don’t even know what even is my life anymore. I usually don’t write personally about my struggles because I feel like I’ll be annoying, but I really just want to scream today.
Apart of me does kind of despise the fact that I went to college for a Psychology degree for a career that I thought I wanted and then realized that I didn’t want mid final year. It’s been a year since I’ve graduated and I haven’t done anything with my degree and I mean that isn’t shocking because I know a lot of people in the same boat, but at the same time it’s overwhelming because I am paying back student loans for a degree that I am not even using. It’s just piling on more anxiety about money. I wrote this post a couple of months back about the 8 Reasons to not go to college. I still support these reasons. Don’t get me wrong I also agree with going to college to, but you should only go under certain circumstances like you ACTUALLY KNOW what you want to do with your life.
I’ve been breaking out into hives so much lately because I am financially stressed. I suppose I could get a regular job where I work a 9 to 5 or 8 to 4, but I honestly don’t see myself being happy and enjoying what I do. My relatives will say,
“You can work here. You’re qualified.”
But I know a 9 to 5 in an office isn’t for me at all.
Don’t get me wrong, I still apply to work at home jobs. Some I get hired for and they make these promises of a decent amount of money. Some were scams and some were legitimate corporations. Then once I get into the position, I end up finding out that “Oh… You were trying to hook me into working for you, but the work isn’t consistent.” I still work at these places when they do have work though because money is money. It also sucks when I find something I truly enjoy, but there isn’t enough work available for me to do regularly because they hired a ton of other people similar to me to work these jobs. Ugh.. The job market is pretty overpopulated for everything I enjoy or maybe I just don’t know how to properly put myself out there and market myself. Regardless I am tired of struggling financially.
My 10 year reunion is coming up. Of course, I don’t really want to go back to high school. Everyone from high school that I actually enjoy I am still cool with and hang out with now. Plus you know most people go to reunions to either reconnect, show off, or find love. I kind of feel embarrassed in comparison to others because I don’t feel like I am doing as well as I should be. I feel like I am stressing myself out so much. Everyone seems to be doing well or if they aren’t and they’re doing a great job of hiding it. I’m tired of struggling financially. I’m tired of anxiety about money and being worried about if I’ll have the money for things. I’m tired of this financial stress that is making me have headaches and breaking me out into hives. I need to get it together and figure out something to make me have some sort of financial growth as well as wealth because right now I am just in a pretty depressed mood.
If I could do things over again, I would have went to college for Advertising or Marketing straight out of high school. I would have spent money on Bitcoin and Amazon stock. I would have focused more on blogging and building a brand instead of doubting myself. I mean I still doubt myself now, but if I knew what I know now…. I definitely would have did a lot of things differently and grew my brand instead of waiting until the freelance market was extremely populated. Being a freelancer is so incredibly hard.
I did apply to a job which I was hired for and it’s a freelance contractor job. I am hoping to make more money from this job and really praying that it isn’t temporary or over promising things to me. I guess only time will tell.
Thanks for reading this and if you’re a struggling freelancer or financially stressed, I understand and it sucks. It’s hard to stay positive, but we kind of have to if we want to truly be able to do this full time and be able to make a living from it.
So keep going guys and I’ll keep going too.