This past weekend I felt like watching a romance movie and I decided to watch Blue Valentine on Netflix.
Blue Valentine kept being recommended to me over the past few months, but I honestly ignored it because for some reason I felt like I wouldn’t really like the movie….. and let’s be honest, I did not like the movie. Don’t get me wrong, the movie was actually very realistic and I have seen similar situations (in real life relationships) unfolding just like this relationship which is why even though I absolutely did not like the movie as far as how the relationship of this couple was…. I actually have to give this movie a rating of 5 out of 5 stars as far as it being realistic (apart from the forced awkward dating “getting to know you” parts & the weird sex scenes) because it was actually well-written, relateable (for the most part), and believable. So in a nutshell I will say that I do recommend it if you’re looking for a tragic romance movie to watch.
I know a lot of you are probably reading this thinking,
“So… that’s basically your Blue Valentine review, right?”
And to some degree, yes it is…. because my purpose for writing this blog post is to actually focus on the issues I had with the relationship of the couple within the movie.
So please do head on over to Netflix and watch the movie.. Then return back to this blog post as I discuss the problems with the relationship in this movie and how so many people in real life deal with these situations.
Did you watch Blue Valentine on Netflix yet?
Good! Time to talk about everything wrong with the relationship in Blue Valentine.
So firstly, I am just going to be completely honest and say that I didn’t like the main character, Cindy, at all. She was extremely selfish. I could actually make a blog post alone about how many reasons why she shouldn’t have even been dating Dean,
- She dated Dean without really discussing with him about how problematic her ex was. (I mean she could have discussed it off screen, but I doubt it.)
- She didn’t make Dean aware of the fact that her ex had knew where he worked in the first place… knowing her ex was upset about her being involved with someone else.
- She lowkey flirted with her ex at the grocery store even though her ex was clearly trouble and she knew the way Dean felt about him. (Also the fact that he was the real child’s father which is a whole other can of worms since he wasn’t aware that he had a kid at all).
- She spoke badly about her husband to her Dad (who wasn’t that great of a guy based on how he treated her mother) as well as her coworkers (even though it was clearly obvious that he was actually a decent guy).
Those are just some of the main reasons why I didn’t like her…
However I do have to say, I feel like Cindy was one of those people who wanted more for herself, but shouldn’t have lived in the moment when she clearly wasn’t happy in the moment when she was younger. What I mean by that is she was dating/entertaining a horrible guy who she shouldn’t have been dating. A lot of us make mistakes when it comes to dating someone who clearly is selfish and are focused on themselves. You live and you learn.
She then began dating Dean, who was this sensitive but also extremely caring guy, who was different from anyone she ever dated. She found out she was pregnant with another man’s baby and Dean stepped up to be the parent. She was happy because she realized she wouldn’t be all alone taking care of a child.
As time went on… she realized her life wasn’t what she truly wanted for herself and she became unhappy. It showed heavily in her relationship with Dean and to be honest it looked like she was more upset with Dean being in the picture versus her realizing she was the one that decided to have the child which technically is what set her on this course. To be honest, I feel like Dean would have supported her in whatever she wanted if she wanted a different life with their family, but I also feel like after a couple of years of them being together she realized,
“Man…. maybe I could have had something different or been with someone else instead of Dean.”
Also I feel like she was using Dean. She was pregnant and alone. She realized the actual father of the child was a problem and she probably wouldn’t have been able to support the child like she would have wanted to if the father had been around. Dean was taking on the role of being a father without her asking and she realized,
“Oh… I won’t have to do this alone. Thank God!”
Of course.. we realize that the child is now old enough to do most things for herself so honestly she doesn’t necessarily need Dean around anymore…. meaning she kind of had more motivation to get rid of him since she wasn’t an infant anymore.
I will say.. It was great that Cindy had the child, finished school, and became a nurse. It was great that she was faithful all of this time even though apart of me feels like she kind of thinks of having a different life altogether without Dean. I feel like she probably even wondered about what would have happened if she had told her ex that he was the father, but she probably thought about the situation logically and realized she probably wouldn’t have been ultimately happy either.
Then we have the issue of how everyone was aware of Dean and Cindy’s relationship issues. Based on how other people viewed relationship, it seemed as though Cindy spoke badly about her husband and their relationship consistently to family and people at her job. However, based on what we see in the movie… Dean is portrayed as a pretty decent guy who is simply protective of his wife when he knows other men are crossing the line. This is something we saw with the ex who she sees in the liquor store and with her boss who was the doctor at the clinic/hospital she worked in.
To be honest, Dean is legit an ideal man. He shows emotion and is willing to discuss emotions. He wanted to give love to his wife. I mean… he even loved another man’s child which is honestly a blessing. I don’t feel like a ton of men are like that or are willing to step up in that type of situation, but he did and they hadn’t even been dating that long.
Now let me jump into the issues I had with Dean…
So even though Dean seemed like a nice guy, he clearly seemed like he was in love with the idea of being in love when we are first introduced to him. He seems like a loner and he is possibly an ambivert (a balance of an introvert and an extrovert)…
We see him discussing topics of love with his coworkers, but we also see that he doesn’t really have any friends or family around him. To me, even though he said in the movie that he was never a guy who saw himself getting married or having a family… He was conflicted, but also extremely willing to jump into the situation with Cindy of playing Dad even though he hadn’t known her that long and knew it was another man’s baby.
Now don’t get me wrong… Sometimes people can love someone, know they’re the one for them, and everything will just be a happily ever after. However in this situation, I feel like Dean really fell in head first without thinking logically. Apart of me almost thinks that he was lonely and dated this girl out of loneliness, but then I realized that Cindy was most likely the lonely one… while Dean was the hopeless romantic one.
Dean didn’t question things while Cindy did.
Dean was playful while Cindy wasn’t.
Dean was extremely caring while Cindy… well.. wasn’t.
To me… their relationship just wasn’t going to work. I knew that from the moment I saw the girl completely ignore the fact that the guy knew where Dean was and she didn’t alert Dean at all. I also knew that from how she described the elderly people dying in the nursing home. Dean was way too caring and sensitive. He did above and beyond for others while Cindy only did things if she was obligated to do it meaning.. based on her obligation to family.
At the end of the movie where they basically argued and came to the conclusion…. or I should say she came to the conclusion that she was done…. I’m not going to lie, I was trying to figure out what she was tired about and done with…. To me, it just seemed like she didn’t want to be with Dean because she didn’t want to be with Dean. From my perspective, it didn’t seem like she had an actual reason. I mean I know she was upset about losing her job. That is completely understandable, but at the exact same time… She should have communicated certain issues with her husband and ease his nerves versus kind of concealing stuff when he clearly wanted to talk with her about anything and everything going on.
Also I have to mention I do think it was extremely wrong of Dean to plan a quick overnight stay somewhere that was far out of town knowing Cindy was on call. That was pretty selfish of him (even if he was trying to spend time with her), but I also think that Cindy leaving him there at the hotel was selfish too considering they drove together and it was a far drive. They should have planned ahead within deciding on going considering she was on call. They should have discussed that he would leave with her, drop her off at work, and then he could drive home. I feel like the argument that they had when he showed up to her job was expected. I would have been upset too! I will say that Dean did blow it out of proportion and they should have discussed things at home instead of making a scene in public, but at the same time Cindy was making Dean seem like an entire problem as if he was the main reason why everything was a mess while she was just the perfect wife when she clearly wasn’t.
I always find it extremely weird when couples or one of the people in the relationship has communication issues, but they can talk to other people about their issues (even though they’re probably editing the truth) instead of honestly discussing the problems that they are having with their significant other.
I also feel like Cindy should have been alone in general. She shouldn’t have even been in a relationship. She should have taken time out to reevaluate herself and her issues… because even that whole sex scene in the hotel was weird. She didn’t want to be intimate with her husband and it’s like… Maybe she’s unattracted to him now because he had started balding and all I thought was,
“Man…. We clearly see who was stressing who out because Cindy still looked young while Dean was balding.” LOL
I think that Dean should have waited to get to know Cindy before he married her. Over the course of the movie I realized that they weren’t very compatible, but you guys know that those types of situations happen a lot. Overtime people realize that they aren’t compatible with someone.
I also have to mention that the ending of that movie did made me wonder a few things;
Did Dean still play dad to the daughter he claimed or did he just leave the family altogether?
I feel like he wouldn’t do that, but at the same time… I don’t know.
Did Cindy go back to find her ex when she realized he was in town and did she tell him about his daughter?
I honestly feel like she might have considering how he still looked the same and how she looked at him when she first saw him at the store.
What did Cindy do for money since she lost her job?
Honestly, I feel like when the doctor first came on to her… She should have either filed a report with HR and/or started applying to other jobs. She also should have spoken to Dean about it because it seemed like she wasn’t really honest with him about most things unless it was in a hurtful way.
And lastly, even though this isn’t important… I kind of wonder what her dad’s thoughts were.. I was hoping we would see him talk to Cindy and reflect on his own relationship with her mother, but they didn’t do that in the movie which kind of sucked for me.
I have to give a shout out to Michelle Williams and Ryan Gosling, but their performance is this movie was very realistic and believable!
But that’s all of the thoughts I have within this Blue Valentine review.
If you’ve seen the movie yourself, share with me your thoughts about the movie because I absolutely thought they shouldn’t have been together at all.
Give me your Blue Valentine review and tell me what you thought about the movie.
Check out these other 12 Romance Movies to Watch This Weekend too!
[1st photo from IMDB.]